12 july :: wanting only for strength

I am ashamed to report that I spent three hours trolling the Internet today. However, it's been a gloomy, rainy day and just prior John and I took over an hour's walk...very good exercise. I also spent a few quiet moments with my french press coffee and the Simple Abundance book I pictured here recently. But I need more strength to act out my purpose ... leaving only minimal traces of myself on the Internet (like here) and staying off forums and commenting amongst random folk (news web sites, ongoing events). I find those places to be shadowy and unfriendly no matter how unlike that you are towards others. I can honestly see why teens turn to the Internet for validation and when they don't get it, it's soul-crushing. Really, it's also a safety issue. So many nuts out there. I need to find a passing, third-party interest in most of what's out there (simple living blogs excepted!) ... I'm still trying to find my long attention span ... oh, technology how you've ruined me. But, I feel, in ways that are temporary. You really don't HAVE to have a twitter. read news sites every day. expose yourself to negative (this doesn't mean ignoring the reality it's out there) things. WASTE TIME you could be LIVING by interacting with a virtual interface. It's there for the taking. We just have to turn our backs and say NO. I'm getting there ... but boy does it take strength to fight. How invasive it has become. 

So, after observing how I felt after all that needless surfing, I took these pictures after lunch (leftover taco stuff in a bowl, yumm-o) to remind myself of my intentions toward a simple life :: enjoying a candle and a cup of ginger tea with honey by my chair, where I will listen to a podcast or some peaceful music and knit a spell. Looks to be clearing up a bit outside, if it gets sunny I may throw all caution to the wind, grab my bathing suit, and go down to the water ;-) 

I hate feeling lazy, even on vacation. Do any of you struggle with wide-open expanses of time when you aren't used to them? Overall, I've been pleased that being broke and starting from scratch budget wise (officially not until Monday, when I'm paid) has kept me in (I'm going to be totally honest and say it does feel forced, SOME moments, but thankfully not most ... yay, my heart's in the right place!) and forced me to take an even closer look at myself and my priorities. I still feel fairly certain that were it not for said circumstance, I'd probably be having pastry in a coffee shop or kayaking then out for lunch, or antique "browsing" or ... well, you get it. I really would like to continue this voluntary non-spending simplicity after I get paid, not that there's any real wiggle room beyond a super-strict budget. I really, really would like to get used to the habit of being home and loving it most of the time. having it be enough. i keep reminding myself that new habits are foreign and feel uncomfortable. but change is often that way, then change becomes real growth. 

I will travel across the Chesapeake Bay for groceries Monday but I plan on packing a sandwich for lunch. I've also found some ingenius ways to avoid Whole Foods Market completely. This will save a TON of money, and a little gas, and a lot of time. Just -- Target and Trader Joe's and they are right next to each other. Score. It's amazing by the way, when you start with a master grocery list (ours is always HUUUUGE) and pare it down oh, say, twice more, what you REALLY need in a month. The list is much, much smaller. Will be interesting to see how my new, unforgiving, cash budget handles it. I can buy other items as needed, but if there is leftover I think it will go towards savings or debt. Probably savings, which is beyond sad right now. 

So, yeah ... later today I think I can cobble all the ingredients together to make raspberry scones. :-) super happy about that. i've been feeling the baking bug lately. We can freeze a few for easy breakfasts. 

So, I'm off to my knitting needles and keeping my eye on the window for any signs of a letup for beachgoing weather. I've never been an all-day beach person but a good hour or two for air, exercise, swim, and change of scenery -- all free -- have always been happy times to me. 

Hope some of my Facebook friends follow here after I leave that site. I really like many of them :-) 

love and light, 

karen