August 26:: catching up to now.

I know it's been a long time.

I've been on here reading other blogs, but mostly I'm extremely frustrated because I finally fixed my camera (it just needed a new battery), only to realize that now, for some reason, my photos will not upload to my laptop. Any advice on this is greatly appreciated. And there is so much prettiness here to take pictures of.

We are settling in slowly, and both getting our respective classrooms ready for children. John starts with children tomorrow, mine come the day after Labor Day. The house is mostly done, with a few more random boxes of stuff to be sorted through and put away. We each have our own hobby/personal space room, mine is sparsely furnished, and will be for knitting and crafts, and yoga.

I joined a gym about a block and a half away from my house and have been going nearly every day, I'm trying to lose about 30 lbs. which is coming off so slowly.

It's good to be cooking and menu planning again. I have a good kitchen to do so. I'll be making a lot of my friend Cate's recipes coming up, bacon pasta carbonara, red lentil curry, chickpea pasta, and vegetable-stuffed potatoes. Also, I've baked a scrumptious carrot cake and a rosemary braided bread, and vegan strawberry scones, all were out of this world. I believe in using REAL ingredients and when you make richer meals you actually eat less, at least I find.

We are very close to the beach, a five-minute walk. It's a family beach and free to access. It's also on the Chesapeake Bay, so no waves but we do get lots of boat wake and mini waves. The town has a fishing pier that's fun to walk out on. I also recently found a great wooden dock that would be perfect for a morning yoga practice.

As usual when September rolls around, I'm thinking of personal goals I want to accomplish. In my relationship, I'm trying to be a better listener and communicator (neither are natural strengths of mine, sad to say). In my own life, I would like to no longer fear my sewing machine. I'm trying to get hooked up with horseback riding lessons. I want to start reading my how-to banjo book, and practicing even five minutes a day. I also want to find a good knitting project (once my yarn is out of boxes and organized!) and get going again (I tend to not knit in summer). Is that too much? Maybe. I also want to continue to be gentle on myself, I am actually pretty good at that most days.

I also need to start planning my wedding, that's scary. I need to keep in mind that I just want it to be a big, fun party overall. I don't want it to be too stressful, or expensive. It's just one day. A big day, but one day. Ya know?

I hate the picture situation I'm in. I really need to get that straightened out. I'm sorry! What a boring blog with no photographs.

Thanks for hangin' in there despite my long absences lately.

love and light,

k.

just a quick pop-in

Things are on overdrive here for the next two weeks.

Just letting you know we've found a GREAT place to live in Cape Charles, and also ....

Things are busy but good! Can't believe we are living walking distance from the beach (Chesapeake bay side)! Let's catch up soon.

2:: July

i realize i really need my camera fixed ... sigh! soon ... soon.

i've been keeping up with all the blogs, but have been meaning to do a link clean-up for a while. too much clutter. on the flip side, i'm looking to add more inspiration. any ideas (new blogs for me to peek at) .... ?

i can't believe it's only a month until we're moving to the lovely Eastern shore of Virginia. We're going down there to look at rentals in 10 days or so. Before the month is out, I'll be done at Trader Joe's. I'm also taking a short trip home to Connecticut and to visit Newport, R.I., walk the cliff walk and eat some good New England seafood!

i've been enjoying the break from blogging, but missing it, too. we are fine here, john and i are doing great and still learning about each other (eight months is not so long, despite engagement!) and really feeling more comfortable and happy overall. i'm so proud of how well we've done despite our various personal traumas of the last, very difficult year (which has recently come to a close, save for our BIG move ... and new jobs ... and the wedding..okay never mind, lol).

i'll be glad to be in a place of settling-in again, where we can hopefully make some friends and i can do some entertaining (dinner gatherings...) of sorts. sometimes i wonder if i'll ever find the place i want to live forever. i feel like i'm still gathering all the lovely puzzle pieces.

the thought of being able to walk by the sea every day is delicious ....

i have been trying to lose some weight and a week ago started daily vigorous walks and tracking the amount of food i eat. it's been quite a challenge. so has living without AC (except in the bedroom). and, of course, the small space is always tricky. we escape it a lot, drives into the more rural parts of new jersey, playing mini golf, getting ice cream. soon we won't need to escape at all.

i am striving to be a more humble person confident in my own various beauties and talents. that's never an easy path. ego is a hard tiger to tame.

i wish i had more exciting things to write about, but hey, it's summer: rides, walks, sitting on the porch with a cold drink, getting to the town pool once or twice, picnics (even just a sandwich out in the country), cold pasta salads, good novels. i'm trying to simplify what can often feel overwhelming in this tiny space, in this state that really really gets under my skin so much. oh, new jersey .... how i so do not fit into you, at all.

i'll be back soon.

xo

6:: June

I think it's time for a bit of a blog break, dear readers.

First of all, my camera is broken.

Second of all, the next 7 weeks are going to be a time of both preparation for our move and soaking up the good things that the current area does offer. I am just feeling the upheaval already, being as sensitive as I am, and I have 7 more weeks to get through at Trader Joe's, which isn't the easiest as I am just bursting to be preparing a Montessori classroom again. The whole past year from last May has been a year of so much change and transition, some expected, some not. I sit in this tiny apartment that was never really mine, despite John's complete openness to myself and my things coming into it, and I hate the carpet and the color of the walls and how noisy it is around (we often wake up to the neighbor's baby screaming, mom talking loudly on her cell phone, delivery trucks, and a crazy 1940's era fire siren, to name a few near-daily at-once sounds). I feel no inspiration toward my creative pursuits like writing or knitting or even reading, and have put learning to sew on hold for virginia where i hope to find a studio with some great classes. I am on my computer/watching netflix and hulu shows too much.

By nature, I feel happiest either pursuing all that in a space that I feel peaceful and settled in; when I don't have that, I look outside the home to satisfy my natural "introverted explorer's" (think scarjo in Lost in Translation, and there you have me) needs. So that is to say, for the remainder of the summer I need to find pleasure in walks, drives, parks, and the little cute shops of Philly and Collingswood, et al. Why, just today i had a very pleasurable vegan lunch at a cute Philly place called Pure Fare. I shopped at the Sal Val and Redding Terminal Market's fair food stand, and on the way back came across another cute veg cafe where I got an iced green tea with agave. Explorer need satisfied, in just those little bits.

For the past four months of living in what I call this "limbo," the kitchen has definitely been my savior. I am fastidious about organizing the fridge and freezer, and keeping things clean and cozy. But we don't even have a table to eat on, we often eat on the coffee table or our laps, or sometimes I even eat standing up because I suck at lap eating, my clothes are always stained from it. (I am that person at a party afraid to eat because I'll drop my food all over myself/the floor). Heather's whole foods workshop certainly helped.

Blogging is difficult when you feel that your life is kind of working in fits and starts and here-and-there bursts of fun energy are being infused into you. (also camera not working is really discouraging, so much to share! it's like a closed window shade to me, a huge no no!). I want to take the time to keep myself mentally healthy as I move toward yet another big change (but yet a good one, one we can settle into for at least the next two years). I often say, I want to do nothing but knit and read novels all winter and walk my dog on the desolate beach. And I'm hoping, truly, that's the case (with a good dose of home-cooking thrown in, too!). On the other side is a job where I'll actually be making money, a wedding to plan, stability of sorts.

Hope you'll meet me in Virginia once we're more settled in. And who knows, I may poke my head in here once or twice along the way there. I'll be back. I'm still going to read the blogs of others that inspire me.

I miss the blogger already. But it's the right thing for me to focus on myself, my still-new (seven months this week!) relationship, and finding our perfect place to live in Virginia, then doing all the intensive planning it will take to get there. I also want to focus for this summer on eating as much whole, unprocessed food as possible -- not that I don't strive for that already, but I've found myself falling lenient and I want to fuel myself best in that middle ground i've currently found:: eat food. mostly plants. not too much. a good summer mantra to have.

my only wishes otherwise for the upcoming summer are: don't take work too seriously. take a day to visit the cliff walk in newport, and eat some fish and chips. go to a picnic/barbeque of some sort! practice banjo a little bit (john just bought me a great book to get started on this goal of mine).  and read lots, lots more than i'm on the computer!!

We are so excited to be landing on two solid feet in Virginia and becoming a real part of a very lovely community down there!!

See you soon!

xoxo,

karen

hello summer

wow, almost a month since i've updated things around here. haven't had much to write, i guess. i have been figuring out how to transition to summer in the kitchen, this is the slow season for me where i generally don't bake or cook, just having a big bowl of cut-up fresh veggies to eat with various dips like salsa, yogurt dip, hummus (or chips). maybe making the occasional cold noodle or grain dish. we have been eating a lot of sandwiches and burgers, too. i'm trying to stick with a morning green smoothie and yogurt habit most days. this is the season when i do tend to eat the healthiest and lightest, i guess that is natural. drinking lots of iced tea, and there's a watermelon in the fridge, too.

things have changed -- after nearly six years of eating vegetarian (three of those involved fish), one of them pretty strictly vegan, i have been experimenting with eating pastured, grass-fed meat from local farms. so far i've had just bacon and beef (and some Applegate chicken lunch meat, which comes from sustainable family farms where the animals are raised "humanely" and eat a proper diet. also have had some wild king alaskan salmon that i paid out the neck for, and some locally-caught seafood from virginia). i like the meat i've had due to its quality. i'm not eating it every day, i wouldn't even say once a week, which, if i'm going to keep consuming it, will be the way i prefer it. it has not affected me negatively, and i feel physically satisfied after consuming it. i still think about everything i eat, and am a pretty sworn restaurant vegan, meaning i do not trust a damned thing from a restaurant supplier unless they advertise otherwise. i HATE factory farms. however, when it comes to the question of animal welfare, i've always struggled with that line between abuse and farmers who take the utmost care, as well as my guilt over eating another creature. i recently, though, engaged in a good friend's online whole foods workshop that really opened me to exploring why we might choose to still eat meat, and on a smaller, more thoughtful scale. overall, i love that my time eating vegetarian and vegan has made me love that way of eating and there is still a good amount of tofu, beans, nuts, seeds, and plant foods in my life, in fact that's 95 percent of things with me. i might not stay eating meat, but right now it's a decision i've made that i'm "fragile-y" okay with.

i spent most of the memorial day weekend driving to and from and all around the area of virginia where we'll be living in two months. it was like a week away. the country (lot of farmland) and ocean together are incredibly restorative. we'll likely be living about five miles (or less!) from the ocean (which is actually chesapeake bay in the areas we'll be frequenting, thus not touristy and there is no paying for anything beach-related). there is an adorable fair-trade coffee shop, and tons of antique and thrift shops in the area. also, i enjoyed the local health food market/organic farm shop. things are more spread out, so you trade convenience for a bit of driving. but the scenery is calm, unhurried, and the air smells always, it seems, either of salt water or trees. the air is so clean down there. I enjoyed Norfolk (more thrift shops and used bookshops, and cute ethic restaurants, even a vegan cafe), and found the Trader Joe's in Virginia Beach (there is soon to be a Whole Foods right across the street). These are about an hour away over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel, which is a gorgeous 20-mile span over the ocean.

over the summer, i plan to take one or two sewing classes at a cute shop i found in philly, i'm hoping this will jumpstart me sewing on my own. in january, i decided this was finally the year i was going to learn how to sew. the first class will be two 2-hour sessions making a reversible tote bag. (I'm still struggling with knitting, though I did just complete an easy project for a friend; I think for me to knit I need to feel that I'm in a nice, calm space which definitely has NOT been the last year)...  i'm also going to NYC with one of my best friends/bridesmaids and hoping John and I can get to Newport to do the cliff walk. we'll go to virginia one more time, too, to scout out our new place to live.

my camera seems to be broken right now, and i have so much to share. until i figure out what's going on, i'll just use stock photos :-(

well, i'd better get my day started ... walking my dog calls. glad we had a chance to catch up a bit....

love and light,

karen

just thoughts.

as we wait for a HUGE piece of the puzzle to fall into place, we learn to be the best of who we are, where we are. we grow from our struggles. 

and me, i cook. i bake. i knit. i take longish journeys away to anywhere that has nature. 

last night, we sat on the porch and watched a thunderstorm roll through. 

this time with him is so special. we are learning how to balance that with our own individual needs and desires. how to be together when we're apart. all that. 

he's dozing on chair next to me right now. i thank the universe every day for having him in my life. he makes it more complete. 

i am proud and happy to be a woman who wants to be a homemaker. who IS, in some way, a homemaker now. what do i want from life? good food, quality time with loved ones, a little music, a little singing. some gardening, wool between my fingers, walks in the forests and by the sea. i'm also a pure Montessorian who always wants to delight in being near children. high-powered career and money-making? no thanks, not for me. just enough to live on and be happy. 

i'm pretty sure moving to the country is a good start.

monday.

sorry, it's been a while since i last updated things! i've been a busy bee helping to make my life more financially organized.

we just got back from a lovely two-day trip to virginia to see a prospective montessori school. we loved the uniqueness of the eastern shore (water on both sides) and all the farmland. the extreme rural-ness might take some getting used to, shops like trader joe's and whole foods are a once-a-month trip to mainland virginia. i'll keep you updated as i make my job decision ... but excited to be moving forward after a year of being out of the classroom. it's where i should be. and waking up to nothing but a glorious sunrise, marsh view, and bird calls of all sorts was really something.

this week, i might experiment with making hamburgers from the pastured ground beef we got, and salmon fillets from whole foods. i'm still not sure whether meat/fish eating once in a while is something my body needs and/or wants. just saying, trying to keep things simple. our town's first farmer's market is this saturday, so saturday night's meal will probably be based on what i can throw together from that early-season bounty.

i have plenty of photos to share but (no surprise here) can't locate my uploader cable. we did get some local strawberries from a farm stand in VA (hoping they were organic and thinking so as i didn't react in hives like i do normally) like the ones above. we also stopped at a local antique shop (the affordable, non-snooty kind, there are tons down there!) and i picked up a nice, but chipped (more authentic!) vintage bowl for $12. actually john bought it for me. what a sweetie.

i'm just finishing up a green smoothie right now after a few days of eating badly on the road (though we did pack a "travel basket" of homemade goodies for one meal and a few snacks). gonna find out how to cook hamburgers and maybe come up with a side dish for it, that will be wednesday night's meal. wednesday i'm hoping to escape the people crush of jersey/philly for a bit, as it's my day off, and go find some nature.

hope you all enjoy your week and find the simplest moments pleasing.

love and light,
k.

untitled, self-discovery

have had a bit of a creative rebirth going on the last few days. fully embracing that, even if it's making me stay up very late into the wee hours tonight, as my brain spins and reconnects with i think ... my heart chakra through creative desire.

i am currently actively taking steps to::

eliminate debt by entering into a debt management program

finish a knitting project for a dear friend and have a goal of knitting all summer long, a rarity but the past year's been so transitional i never had a slow, long winter (never mind the crazy weather)

create a homemaking binder filled with recipes and inspiration for the kitchen

read more and be online less (again toying with the idea of leaving a certain social network behind .. )

start freelance writing online! this is exciting to me on three fronts: financial, professional, and, well ... i've just always been plum passionate about (and good at!) writing. it's about time to put this practical, enjoyable skill to good use. maybe i have my head in the clouds about it a bit, imagining myself paring down to four days of work outside the home instead of five (at least while i'm not teaching), being more independent in terms of dictating when and how i work, and supplementing what will eventually be a teacher's salary (please let me be hired by the end of april!). I've been doing a bit of research just to get started.

through all of this, i'm realizing that i need to stay grounded because if i get too fanciful and giddy, well ... it's a hard fall. i'm trying to take a few moments for myself each morning to get grounded and centered, usually this means just a cup of coffee on the porch in the sun but sometimes it's a long walk. you get the idea. sometimes it's late nights up with a second cup of peppermint tea (a la right now) visualizing how the morning will go (green smoothie, cup of coffee, spot of knitting, then getting down to more organizing business, kind of how this particular week of inspiration to "get things moving" has been shaping up!).

Have you heard of a Web site called Yogaglo? Streaming yoga classes from a real-time studio in California that you can take from home. $18/month, plus free lectures on meditation and such. As opposed to, oh ... $120 or so per month at a local studio. Now don't get me wrong, nothing beats the good energy of a good studio now and then ...

I have a yen to start listening to gardening and unschooling and simple living podcasts again. Preferably while knitting. I need headphones. Do they still make those? The ones that go OVER your ears? My fiance is very prone to normal bedtimes. I can join him some nights, but others, like this one ... marathon energy. Born night owl, that's me ;-) Definitely going to need a quiet room in our future spaces away from the sleeping room ....

finally, my ever-evolving journey with food. i've been at the extremes, they don't last long for me. suffice to say they've taught me that when i swing back a bit off the ends, I'm able to see more clearly and make more responsible, sane, healthy choices. less being more, animal products being re-introduced but less and i'm super picky about the word "pastured." had a salad with some wild-caught salmon on it today that was incredible, i had energy for hours. i'm still experimental, a bit unsure, a bit guilty (comes from the vegan days, oh do i struggle with that one), a bit happy to support people doing it "right"/right, super energetic and healthy and feeling like 95 percent of what's going in my body is supporting everything and is balanced and is not overly skewed and i feel like i sit on a throne of plant foods. i'm feeling so grateful for participating in Heather's whole foods workshop. so much learned when i thought i had nowhere else to grow.

amazed at my openness. happy for it. my fiance has the best words (and let me tell you, i'm a huge words of affirmation girl, they STICK): self-assured is sexy. looking deeply into the windows of my soul, uttering it with such genuine-ness and love it can't help but be utterly what it is. i AM sexy. why not be self-assured? look at all that goodness above. we all falter, we all compare, we all worry. but when we counter those things with balance and perspective, and take the time to appreciate and accept those we love as they do us, well then ... it's easier to accept the SELF, to celebrate the self doing all the things it must needs do, but to be gentle on the body which contains it. long days on a blanket in the park, stopping for that hot tea or coffee, taking that long walk. allowing things to accumulate, grow, settle, fade, as necessary. being an apothecary for the soul in any and all ways possible.

thanks for reading. you are the best.

getting more organized.

Hollis, New Hampshire. I LOVED this place.

there's nothing like a short trip away from your everyday life that gets the self going again -- mentally, emotionally ... organizationally to benefit the latter two things.

there are some things on my mind:

paying off credit card debt, once and for ALL. i signed up for a debt consolidation program today. i'm committed to a set monthly payment for a set number of months over the next couple years. i kept my lowest-balance card open so once that's paid current, i can use it to build up my credit score again. this was a HUGE relief even though it is still an important monetary commitment.

finding some freelance writing jobs (work from home things) online. extra pocket money toward debt payoff? ability to have flexibility in hours? hmmmm.....

sitting down with john in a stress-free environment (like our local coffee shop) and figuring out a budget for the four months prior to our mystery move (depends where i am hired) so that we have enough to move and live on and all that ....

really making time for creative endeavors, especially one or more of the following: learning banjo, knitting, sewing.

making more time to just read good books (my friend Cate over at Liberal Simplicity -- see link at sidebar). I can't seem to fly through them when I devote too much time to the all-consuming computer

doing a HUGE spring clean. I know we live in a tiny place but it gets cluttered so easily. what do we really truly NOT need? I'm always finding ways to minimize. I like SPACE not STUFF. when i feel overwhelmed by STUFF i have an accordingly overwhelming desire to run away from it. not always good. your home should be comfortable, despite the size.

more oxygen. basically, more getting out and walking, walking, walking. and somehow, more yoga. maybe not the pay-for-it kind, but more yoga all the same. asanas.

learning that my grandma was a stay-at-home mom until her seventh baby was in first grade. and that she likes that i want to do the same (umm not seven babies lol). YES. i can start my own school when i feel more ready. yes indeedy.

thanks for listening.

crossing my fingers i'll get to live and work in beautiful new hampshire!!

thinking of space, all kinds.

Hi, everyone.

Spring is progressing nicely here, although there is still a chill in the air most days.

I am getting to New Hampshire and the eastern shore of Virginia this month for job interviews. Hoping something good comes out of it ... I am beyond ready to be in a classroom again.

I am making peace with the fact that once again due to the not-knowing of where we'll be in a few months, I will not attempt growing anything this year. Sigh, maybe next. Hoping to be more settled for the next 2-3 years at least ... !

The kitchen is not quite at the cold salad phase yet .... still plenty of cooking and baking going on. Today I'm making (from the whole foods workshop) a spring pea and parsley pesto pasta. And a green smoothie (has become a staple around here) for lunch.

Been into my favorite lately, peppermint tea (hot). We are planning a hike/walk and picnic tomorrow, probably will bring along a big jug of homemade black mango iced tea, and some popcorn made with coconut oil. I love these days the very best of all. When we can get away from the crush of people and development around here, it's a very good thing indeed.

Life isn't perfect around here. Some bloggers seem to pretend it is, but I tell you, it just isn't. There are times when a tiny apartment can get filled with just .... crap (dirty laundry pile, paperwork, etc.) ... so fast it makes my minimalist head spin (i like a TON of space, just most of it empty from material things ... so a tiny space is very hard for me to deal with). And I'm making dinner at 10 p.m. because of my work schedule. And we are eating it in the living room on our laps because we don't have a kitchen table (oh how I dream of a table to eat at! however we do have one on our little outdoor porch ... so soon dinners will def. be out there!). But you know what? Several nights ago, I had this little yet powerful realization that I am still trying my best, within these parameters, to live intentionally. I'm still cooking from scratch. I'm freezing cooked dried beans, I'm soaking legumes and grains and nuts, I'm menu planning, I'm keeping things tidy most of the time. Money is very tight right now, that stresses us out quite a bit and it's hard to think about even the near future (yikes ... wedding!) when bills themselves are just so hard to pay and have any "surviving" money left over at the end of it all. I think the thing to do is just keep on. Make the most of the imperfect. So what if dinner's so late, if it's home-made with love and healthful? Pack a pretty lunch to enjoy in the chaotic break room at work (for those of you who don't know, I currently work at Trader Joe's). Get out to the woods, nature, the park, the ocean, whenever possible. I'm trying to get to bed earlier and have an intention of doing two good, somewhat brisk walks a day (once in the morning and once in the evening). My yoga practice should happen where and when it can, even if I can't always afford class. I need to figure out a space for that.

Through it all, I'm blessed to have found a beautiful man who loves to read, and plays guitar and has the most gorgeous singing voice. And eats my food and loves it, mostly (he's not too fond of goat cheese, bless him for trying it though!). He also loves the long drives out into the country with me. We argue sometimes and we can be annoyed with each other for a day. But he makes me grow in ways I've never grown before, and vice versa. We are struggling, but we are with each other and our love will prevail over challenges and doubt and temporarily difficult life situations. Over the last five months, we've been through a lot together already. He always says, "I just want a simple life." I hear you, love. I do. Each step we take on this journey is a step closer to clarity and throwing out that which doesn't serve us.

If you've made it this far in, you certainly deserve some pictures. I wish you all a blessed Easter if that's what you celebrate. We will be celebrating nature, each other, and the privilege of good food.

this is the setup for our recent "godfather" watching date. food from a local italian restaurant (I made the olive oil and garlic mixture) and bread from a local italian market. 

a blurry close-up of my gnocchi (so not the world's best photographer!)

 brown rice salad from the whole foods workshop. this was excellent cold but i think i'd double the lemon-cumin vinaigrette dressing next time!

my new half-gallon jars from lehman's finally arrived! i'm in love! 

finally broke out the new "emeril" saucepan my parents bought me for christmas

mmmm sweet potato and black bean quesadillas (with some leftover goat cheese) .. coming right up! (we topped with salsa and guac)

putting away pinto beans in the freezer

prep for spring parsley/pea pesto pasta (which just finished and tastes divine!) - also from the workshop

love and light, friends,
k.